I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
