Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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