how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
