Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
