i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
