never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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