the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
