I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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