it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
