I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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