I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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