I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
