Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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