i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have fence marks all over my body
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize