i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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