Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
