I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
