so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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