Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
