I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
