I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
