i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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