I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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