fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
