do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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