just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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