They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
