is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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