you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize