Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
