My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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