Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
