I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
