Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
