My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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