Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
