Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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