I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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