Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
