A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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