I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
