yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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