No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
