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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid

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• (619): View more from California

  the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting

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• (845): View more from New York

  They were actually really boring considering how we met them.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  howd you meet them?

  (845): View more from New York

  They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on

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• (631): View more from New York

  Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  sorry

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  why?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?

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• (716): View more from New York

  Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila

  (716): View more from New York

  Step 4: your drunk

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?

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• (387): View more from

  It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  You don't have a cat...

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• (716): View more from New York

  I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship

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