Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
