why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
