So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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