things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
