Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
