I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
