I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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