in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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