She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
