Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Welp...herpes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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