physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
