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• (650): View more from California

  so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

  (415): View more from California

  What...you let him do that?

  (650): View more from California

  It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's like the pied piper of lesbians.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since

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• (716): View more from New York

  Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit

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