I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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