can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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