Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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