I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
