It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
