There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
