billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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