2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
