I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
