the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
